I was just offered a great job. I should be excited and yet I'm scared out of my mind. I was offered a teaching position with Fort McMurray public school (in a publicly funded Christian school), it has a high First nations population and a high ESL population. Plus, on top of all that it pays 70K to start.
Yet, I sit here and wonder if I'm cut out for it. I know for sure that I'm not the same Christian I was years ago. I've lost the passion over the years. I still trust God and believe Jesus has redeemed my sins but I know that I don't do the same things I use to do. I'm not into the whole running around town telling people about Jesus any more thing. Not to say that I would never do it again it's just harder now that's all. I'm rusty!
The idea of working with first nations people excites me. I've wanted to do that since I was in high school but I didn't know how to approach it.
Additionally, working with students with high ESL needs is also one of those things that make me happy. I love the idea that I could work with them allow them to develop their language skills and overall that sounds great too.
The challenge comes with what I do with Craig. When I first thought about the opportunity he said he would think about it. Now, after some thinking he realized it's not somewhere that he can move. I know in my heart that it makes sense for us to just carry out a long distance relationship but here's the thing.... what if God's just calling me away to get seperate me from Craig. Would God be so cruel? Why do I always feel like I need to choose? Why can't I just have both?
If I stay here in Toronto am I ever going to have the same opportunities that this adventure will offer me? I know that I'm not going to be able to teach in a Catholic school here and that's difficult for me to accept. I set out in this profession years ago with a vision and right now, I can't see how that vision is going to be fulfilled here in Toronto.
So many what if's here. Must pray... must pray...